I was elected President

As many of you may know, the Rainbow Zoo Society recently declared war upon the mighty and awesome Anti-Liger Alliance. The reason they gave for their war was that the ALA "hampered the cause of evil". These buffoons have seen the light though, and their leader, who calls himself BAZ (which is an acronym for Boy Ah Zuck, he can't spell) has sent me an email that says the Rainbow Zoo will be surrendering to the ALA shortly. To help the surrender proceed smoothly, the rainbow zoo unanimously elected me as their President and so I will now list the most reasonable terms that the ALA has given the rainbow zoo for surrender. All demands are non-negotiable. TERMS FOR THE SURRENDER OF THE RAINBOW ZOO

1. All animals in possesion of the Rainbow Zoo will be converted to hats. If the rainbow zoo possesses animals that cannot be used as hats for any reason they will be converted to fire wood. The fire wood animals will then be used to start a fire on which all the newly made hats will be burned.

2. All members of the Rainbow Zoo must be tested for witchcraft. Since it is common knowledge that witches are immune to bullets, the test for witchcraft involves repeatedly shooting the person being tested. Very few participants fail.

3. The one who calls herself "First Born Unicorn" must agree to undergo an experiment to answer the age old question "What would happen if a retard and an Asian were bred together? Then all we would need to do is find an Asian who was willing to participate in the experiment as well. Also, she must wear a muzzle at all times.

4. The one known as "Snow Leopard" must remove the word snow from his name, as the Anti-Liger Alliance holds the trademark for the word snow. He must also alter the word leopard to leper. And he must die.

5. The Rainbow Zoo will become the sole property of the Anti-Liger Alliance until we can figure out how to destroy it permanently.

6. All members of the Rainbow Zoo must become Christian Scientists.

7. All content currently on the Rainbow Zoo website must be replaced with the words "we suck, and so do animals"

Well that about wraps it up, BAZ himself has assured me that the Rainbow Zoo will comply with all of our requests in a matter of days. If any of you liger hating awesome men out there think of any other demands feel free to send me an e-mail at onedopedog@aol.com. I guarantee that I will receive it.