I have for eight years now studied the prophecies of Nostradamus. In this time, I have slowly realized that none of his prophecies has to do with the events people say they do - they ALL have to do with ligers. They are, after all, the most terrible threat to the universe. Look, people say that he knew princess Diana would die with his words"The last son of the man with the Prophet's name Will bring Diana to her day of rest. At a distance they wander in frenetic grief Delivering a great people from ruin"
But that is obviously not right. I mean, who cares about some lady no one liked anyway? What did she ever do? Just look pretty and kiss some babies probably. Would Nostradamus really waste his precious talent on her? No way. Here is what my studies have shown the prophecy really meant.
"The last son of the man with the Prophet's name"
-This here obviously refers to Shemp. He is, now, the last son - or descendant - of Eknok. And Eknok's name is the same as the Swedish prophet Eknorgia Kaulst - or Ekno K., or Eknok!!! Also, it is a little known fact but Nostradomus had a first name which was Shemp. Thats right, Shemp Nostradomus. Mere coincidence or spooky prophecy? You be the judge.
"Will bring Diana to her day of rest."
-This is a little more of a riddle (Nostadamus liked riddles). Diana is an anagram for DIe ANti liger Alliance. DI-AN-A. So Eknok will bring those who want the ALA to die to rest - or kill them. Thus saving the world.
"At a distance they wander in frenetic grief" "Delivering a great people from ruin"
This proves that not only was Princess Diana a lesbian, the evilest and most deceptive of the girl species, but that she was also black.
Nostradomus was a busy guy, when he wasn't out banging whores or curing syphilis, he was looking deep into the future. As a result he made a ton of prophecies, since ALL of Nostradamus' prophecies have to do with ligers, I can't go through them all. But I will go over a few quickly."The Moon in the full of night over the high mountain, The new sage with a lone brain sees it: By his disciples invited to be immortal, Eyes to the south. Hands in bosoms, bodies in the fire."
-This referes to stupid prophet in the ancient Liger Wars, and how he led his band of humans into a dark alliance with the Ligers, only to be betrayed (of course) by them. They were all cooked and had their bosoms eaten.
"In front of the lake where the dearest one was destroyed For seven months and his army routed; Spaniards will be devastating by means of Alba, Through delay in giving battle, loss."
-The first line refers to the lake 'Espartinas' in Spain, near the capital. The 'dearest one' refers to their capital, which the Spanish really like for some crazy reason. It will apparently be destroyed by the Ligers. The Spanish will not fight the Ligers, and will pay for it with the Awful-Liger-Bad-Attack, or ALBA.
"Beasts ferocious from hunger will swim across rivers: The greater part of the region will be against the Hister, The great one will cause it to be dragged in an iron cage, When the German child will observe nothing."
-Many people think this referes to Hitler. But I mean, come on. Hister does not equal Hitler. If Nostradamus wanted to say Hitler, he would have. Instead, Hister refers to Haters. (i = a, s moved to end). The "beasts ferocious" OBVIOUSLY means ligers. They will attack humans to satisfy their evil hunger. Most of humanity will be against the Haters (ligers). The iron cage is symbolic of the enslavement of all humans that are not eaten.
"When the dark tides of hell reach their full and final alignment a great and disturbing force shall visit this puny mortal realm and it's being shall be divided in twain and it shall posses seperate beings within itself. This beast shall have the strength and speed as great as that of a lion's combined with that of a tiger's. When this evil force comes to dispatch all mankind to the waiting void only a powerful alliance with the acronym ALA will be able to contest it. Hark humanity, for this is my greatest foretelling." -Now this one is more confusing than most, and to be honest I had a heckuva time trying to figure out just what exactly he meant by this weird archaic vision. However after hours of study I think I can finally see the blazing flame of enlightenment. I know now what Nostradomus meant by this...
Black people suck.
"The united provinces will defeat the chaos; Frech together alone in the flames: The half beasts from the south and east destroy The end of days."
-This is the one that first caught my attention. "United provinces"? United States. Frech probably means the French and other faggy countries. The half beasts can only mean the ligers, born from a lion and tiger, found in Africa(south) and Asia(east). So in conclusion, tell your friends and family: we, as humans, must unite (except with the French) to prepare against this foe. Also, Princess Diana was stupid.