Testicles

At the beginning of the 2nd Liger War, I decided to set up a team of scientists dedicated to discovering the source of a Harpoon Man's awesome magic that enabled him to defeat the horrendous monster of the Liger so that we could spread the power of the ALA to all the men of the world fighting for survival. The report has finally been completed and I am pleased to announce the results. Our magic powers come from our testicles. It all makes sense now, doesn't it? That is why girls are always trying to "have sex" with us. They are like parasites, trying to get at our special magic. Anyway, the larger and hairier your testicles are, the more magic you have. If you have gigantic testicles, this means you have testicular cancer. This is what Bicycling Champion Lance Armstrong had. He went to the doctor and had at least one of them removed. And where is he now? France. So in conclusion, don't chop off your balls, and the key to retaining Awesome magic is abstinence, my friends, abstinence.