Now some of you may have heard of a man who goes by the real-life handle "Lawrence Summers." Most of you probably haven't heard of him though, so I will clue you all in. Lawrence Summers is the President, or as I prefer to call him, the kick-ass-ident of Harvard University. Summers is a guy who really has his head on straight, and knows exactly what he is talking about.
At a recent convention of the Anti Liger Alliance (to sign up to go to such a convention just post your full name and home address on the message board) I got to meet Summers in real life and what follows is a close transcript of our conversation.
Me: So, I hear I kick ass.
Summers: Yeah I hear that about you too. Hey listen, I have a problem that I think maybe you can help me with.
Me: What's that?
Summers: Well, lately about half the boys in my class have been acting really strange, they wear loose flowing clothes and have emotions and stuff. It's really weirding me out.
Me: Go on.
Summers: So one day I decided to do a little expirament. After class I had one of the weirdest ones stay late, and when everyone else left I walked over to him and stabbed him in the eye with my knife.
Me: Summers! You despicable madman! You murdered an innocent child! How could you, you perverted freak of nature? Go on.
Summers: Well, then the strange stuff started, I took off that loose flowing clothing and to my suprise I saw the boy didn't have a penis! Instead there was some kind of gaping hole!
Me: Oh Summers you lovable rogue, what you killed wasn't a person, it was just a girl!
As it turns out Summers had never heard of "girls" before and so that night I filled him in, and told him all about them. Summers was such a brave guy about it, he barely wet his pants when he heard they were in league with the ligers. Summers promised me he would do his best to eliminate the problem posed to humanity by our demented sister species, and so he did.
Recently Summers' name was all over the news when he did an ad on national television advising people not to do drugs. He was quoted by virtually every news source across America as saying "Drugs are like women, they can't stop you from abusing them" and now he has angered the American Feminist party to the point of violence.
Several key women speakers were quoted by the liberal media as they threatened to turn Harvard into a "sea of fire" should it keep meddling in their affairs. The lead feminist in particular, Adolph Hitler, reportedly claimed "If women are like drugs then drugs are also like jews, and they can't stop you from [emphasis add] setting them on fire [emphasis end]! ZING!".
In the spirit of continuing this cunning verbal repartee, Lawrence Summers responded with "Well, in that case Hitler is like fire, he burns the jews!" At which point the feminists realized that they had been out-orated and gave up to sadly go back to their homes in time to make dinner for their husbands (except for Hitler who went back to being dead). Before they left, though, they took a moment to dispatch their wiley feminine assassins to kill Lawrence Summers. So it is now up to you, noble legionnaire of the Anti Liger Alliance, to protect Lawrence Summers and men like him from these upcoming murderous women. Protect him with your money, protect him with your thoughts, wives and children but most importantly protect him with your guns. Wouldn't he do the same for you? Wouldn't he?