ALA- The only ethnically diverse organization. Ever.

Shemp steals another gimmick

I've noticed that many popular sites like to post their mail on their websites for public viewing. So I'm doing it too, but with a twist. Some of them were actually sent to me, others I've stolen from other website, and some I've just plain made up. Enjoy trying to guess which is which! 
Date: Wed, 24 Sep 2003 17:57:24 EDT 
From: 
To:  
Subject: you *uckin nerd 

humans vs. ligers wtf is wrong with you...apparently you are a dork that watches too many damn movies and/or plays too many games.
Shemp replies: Hmmmmmm... first off I'm glad that you bleeped out that word up there, otherwise everybody would know exactly what you called me. I didn't mean to offend someone who is obviously a big FBI head honcho as I can see from your e-mail address. 
Date: Fri, 18 Oct 2002 06:08:05 +0000
From: d d 
To: maddox@xmission.com
Subject: Who are you to criticize?

Mr. Wannabe omniscient and omnipotent terrorizer: 

Is there a single race, ethnicity, class, gender, age, ....etc that you
haven't belittled and criticized to a pulp? It seems to me that you've
had as decrepit and squalid a life as Eminem and Fidel Castro! Of course,
I have no idea why i'm squandering my precious time on fecal matter like
yourself. My advice to you: look for psychiatric help. When I have spent
10 years in medical school and after I've recieved my degree, then maybe
I'll be seeing you as a patient; until then, keep commiserating.


VIVO (junior high school)
Shemp replies: Kids in junior high know nothing. But I'm glad to see you've already decided your course in life. Good luck with that. 
Date: Sun, 34 Nov 2003 13:61:04 WST
From: 
To: me2son@excite.com
Subject: Cake, and its subordinates

Anybody else think this site just keeps on getting randomer and randomer? I mean, c'mon, what does America vs. France have to do with Ligers? That cartoon sucked by the way. Ever get the feeling that bugs type things on your computer when your not looking? I certainly don't. That's just stupid.
Shemp replies: No, YOUR stupid. And I think that Girls/Ligers/France make up an "axis of evil" so to speak and the ALA needs to beware all of these threats. 
DEAR ROBERT (OR WHOM EVER)

I HOPE YOU REALIZE THAT THE INFORMATION YOU HAVE POSTED ON YOUR SIGHT IS NOT ONLY COMPLETELY WRONG BUT ALSO VERY MISLEADING AND DANGEROUS.  YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE NO FACTUAL KNOWLEDGE OF NINJA,NINPO OR NINJUTSU BUT CLAIM TO BE AN AUTHORITY ON THE SUBJECT. GOD FORBID SOMEONE ACTUALLY TAKES YOUR GARBAGE TO HEART AND TRIES THIS INSANITY....YOUR GOING TO GET SOEM POOR KID KILLED....ARE YOU READY TO ACCEPT THAT RESPONSIBILITY. AS FOR ME....IM A NINJUTSU SOKE...GRANDMASTER....IN A LEGITAMATE NINJA RYU (FAMILY) WITH 25 YEARS UNDER MY BELT IN AN HISTORICALY TRACEABLE LINEAGE.  I STONGLY URGE THAT YOU DO THE FOLLOWING....
>1:PLACE AN APOLOGY ON THE SIGHT WITHIN 48 HRS OF RECIEPT OF MY EMAIL TO ALL NINPO STUDENTS AND TEACHERS.
>2:PLACE A NOTE ON THE BEGINING OF YOUR SIGHT TELLING EVERYONE THAT GOES TO YOUR SIGHT THAT YOU ARE FULL OF BS.HAVE NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE ART AND TO NOT TAKE THE SIGHT SERIOUSLY
>3: REMOVE THE SIGHT BEFOR SEPT 15 2002.  SHOULD YOU NOT REMOVE THE SIGHT BY THAT DATE THEN I WILL FIRST LOBBY AOL TO HAVE THE SIGHT REMOVED.  IF THAT DOES NOT WORK I WILL  PAY YOU A VISIT TO TEACH YOU WHAT REAL SHINOBI IS CAPABLE OF DOING....AND BELIEVE ME...I CAN AND WILL VISIT YOU.  YOUR SIGHT IS DANGEROUS AND OFFENSIVE...ESPECIALLY TO SOMEONE LIKE ME WHO HAS DEDICATED HIS LIFE TO THIS ART AND HAS INHERITED THE SYSTEM AND KNOWS THE DANGERS AND VALIDITY OF NINJUTSU. I EXPECT AN EMAIL IN RETURN TO CONFIRM YOUR RECIEPT OF THIS EMAIL.....GOD HELP YOU IF YOU DONT RESPOND.


SOKE  D. FUJITA
BUFUKAN NINPO BUJUTSU  HOMBU DOJO
Shemp replies: My names not Robert. It's Shemp. Do ninjas spend a lot of time on the internet these days? And although I did kinda respond I was hoping that God could still help me. Thanks. 
Date: Thu, 2 Oct 2003 23:12:00 -0400 
From: 
To:  
Subject: ligers and stuff 

 
 
so i was thinking even though you hate girls, you should let me in. either that 
or you should marry and have beautiful babies with the guy who does the ninja 
website.

most sincerely,
kate
That depends. First, you have to renounce your female heritage. Then you have to tell us all of your girl secrets. And the ninja guy wouldn't wanna marry me. His website says that he lives with a whole bunch of hot babes. Ninja website here. Autographed photo enclosed. 
Date: Sat, 4 Oct 2003 03:49:59 -0700 (PDT) 
From: 
[ Add to Address Book | Block Address | Report as Spam ] 
To:  
Subject: Liger page 

 
 
Ok, this page is very funny. And I personaly do not find the link "A blow struck for mankind", which refers to an actual person shooting a Liger, offensive. However, as a lawyer who enjoys your site, and dosen't wanna see you make trouble for yourself:  if that really happened, I suggest you remove that link and officially denounce his actions. Also a disclaimer would be a good idea. I know it's all in fun, but I have seen too many ridiculous verdicts in my time to say it won't happen to you. I mean, smokers defeated tobacco compaines LOL. Anyway, these *cause* websites have a way of coming back on you, just be carefull.
Shemp replies: Ok.