The AlA wants YOU!!!

THE OFFICIAL ALA GUIDE TO AWESOME

I know what you are saying to yourself right now, "Oh, I can't be awesome like Shemp or Mr. T. I'm just wasting my time here." But you are wrong. Any one of you can become awesome, just like me, or George Foreman. You see, ligers have torn men that could bench 350 lbs. apart. Ligers have destroyed entire armies with super high-tech weaponry. No amount of speed, strength, allies, weaponry, will, intelligence, or even super-powers can save you. But although ligers will always be faster, stronger and smarter than man, there is one attribute that even the liger cannot overcome: awesomeness. That is why we have prepared this guide, to create an army of awesomeness that even the Liger Horde cannot overcome! However, as a wiseman named Brother once sagely advised, "Awesomeness comes not without its price". To become awesome, you must follow the detailed instructions below without fail. If you succeed in the trials ahead of you, then you will emerge not only as awesome, but super-awesome.

Step 1: Organization

Be sure that from now on you always sort everything by increasing funkiness. This is especially necessary for pants, letters of the alphabet, and days of the week.

Step 2: Harpooning

Harpoons are awesome, so a good bet to become awesome would be to somehow merge yourself with a harpoon, becoming some sort of harpoon-man. Results may vary.

Step 3: Girls

They're evil. I don't like them much at all. To be awesome you should keep away from them at all cost. I know the temptation is great, but the awesome reward will be awesome.

Step 4: Push-ups

Do a push-up without using your arms. Either of them. Awesomeness will follow.

Step 5: Name

You need an awesome name to have full awesometacularity. Shemp is already taken, but you can use any of these other fine awesome monikers: Crazy Joe, One-shoe Pete, the Killinizer, Lucky the Leprechaun, the Manimal, MC Hammer, etc.

Step 6: Shirts

The truly awesome go without them. I recommend a cowboy hat to go with the shirtlessness. Girls like that.

Step 7: Ligers

Awesomeness isn't all fun and games. It also carries heavy responsibility. All awesome men have but one duty: To kill ligers wherever they may be found, and utter witty phrases whenever they kill one, like, "Shemp, one. Liger, zero."

Congratulations, now you are officially awesome. Try fighting a Liger. We give you our special Shemp guarantee* that you will do better than the last time you tried.

*Shemp guarantee void in Wyoming.