(Disclaimer: These are not the opinions of me, Shemp, but the asshole I got to run this site, Captain Insano. Something has to be done about this. He's taken my high visit count to form his own evil opinions. Anyway, e-mail him, not me, to denounce his evil racism at onedopedog@aol.com.)

While watching the Matrix for like the billionth time, I suddenly realized the key to defeating the ligers and obtaining the ultimate victory for the human race. You know that one part in the Matrix where Neo goes to see the oracle and there is that thing in Latin that says Know Thyself? Something must be true if can be stated in Latin or if it is said in a movie that somehow involves people being killed. Since the ALA is a global organization, I have decided to help all the people around the world to know themselves through my clever use of insulting racial stereotypes. Enjoy, and remember when we stop generalizing entire groups of humans that share similar traits, the ligers have won.

The African: these stealthy individuals possess an ability known as “Shadow Meld” they can easily travel through the dark of night and only rarely do people notice. This comes in handy because their major professions often involve some kind of criminal activity. Many suspect them to be werewolves.

The Hispanic: (The letters are slanted like they are running across a border) I once watched the George Lopez show, so I am qualified to speak on this subject. George Lopez hates his daughter - or at least makes fun of her - and I think he went to Cuba to rescue his uncle, who may have been Fidel Castro. Anyway, the moral of the story is all Hispanics are either illegal immigrants or Fidel Castro, who is also an illegal immigrant.

The Asian: (Asians are blue) One time while I was bowling, I saw some Asian bowling with his mom. They both seemed very competitive and (I assume) were using really light bowling balls. I attribute both of these things to the fact that Asians are really small and thus weak, to make up for their weakness they have to be really competitive. Also I think they have to make up for the fact that pretty much every country in Asia blows by being really good at bowling and cards. I also saw all of the Karate Kid movies, and I know I could take Mr. Miagi on in a fight.

I was going to write something funny about white people to prove that I’m not some kind of bigot or white supremacist, but then I realized…